Everyone who has been engaged knows that when people hear you are getting married they don't just stop at asking you a million questions about your wedding...they move onto questions about your life plans: "So, have you two talked about when you're going to have kids?"
I hear it from family, the dentist, hairstylists and strangers. Maybe other people don't mind being asked this question because they have the answer everyone wants to hear, which is: "We'll enjoy being 'newlyweds' for a couple years, then have babies." The problem is, Tommie and I are far from "newlyweds" (being together for 200 years) and our plan for kids is adoption. Try explaining all this to your dental hygienist as she flosses your teeth.
I'm getting used to the strange looks I get, the assumptions that I can't have kids of my own, and the insults. What begins as an inadvertent insult to me: "Well, it would be a big mistake not to have at least one of your own children and miss the experience" turns into me inadvertently insulting them because I have to explain that I honestly could care less about the experience. In the end, the other person doesn't understand me so they just recite the Nike slogan, "Just do it!" and I have to smile and pretend I will because that's easier for them to handle. But the truth is I have always wanted kids, just not my own.
People want to know why and I don't have one definitive answer but I can think of two videos I saw as a child that helped shaped my decisions. The first, The Miracle of Life confirmed that childbirth was actually more disgusting than I could have imagined. On the most basic level, childbirth makes me sick. More power to all the women who are brave enough to go through it but it's not for me. Maybe I was supposed to be a dude, maybe I was supposed to be an inanimate object like a rock, but instead I was born a woman with the brain of a man or a rock and the thought of another living being growing inside one's stomach and coming out their crotch sounds like the worst thing that could ever happen to a person.
The second video was a news special about China's one-child rule and how so many baby girls were being abandoned in that country because if they had to choose one child, families would rather have a boy. This confirmed that I would much rather help children that are already alive. There are millions of children in every country that need loving homes. On top of that, we are living in a world that is dangerously overpopulated as it is. Why should I add to that problem?
When I think about having my own child, I want to curl up and die, but when I think about adoption I get excited...the way I imagine most women get excited about the thought of having their own. I have no doubt in my mind I would love an adopted child all the same (possibly even more because they didn't tear out of my who-who). I know it sounds strange to most women because it goes against that instinct to carry a baby, but I wish some people would stop to think that maybe some women don't feel the same way they do. Just because I have a uterus doesn't mean I have to use it or that I want to use it. This blog post is for other women who feel like this, of which I realize there are few, and for the people who struggle to understand them. It's not that difficult in my view...ultimately we all want the same thing, we just go through different means to get there and I'm okay with that.
I’ve been thinking a lot about flowers lately. Spring time and an impending wedding will do that to a person. From the onset, I’ve wanted to take some creative liberty with my wedding "flowers.” I plan to do potted centerpieces (such as aloe, sempervirrum, and succulents) at the reception to tie in to our west coast theme and also to be more environmentally friendly. 
As for the bouquets, I am having a young woman (whom I found on my beloved Craigslist) put together an odd assortment of flowers for me. They'll consist of orange Dahlias—because Tommie and I love how full and pretty they are; Craspedia (aka “billy balls”…don’t snicker)—because they are fun and remind me of yellow paper lanterns; and dried lotus pods because I used to see them growing out of the lily pads in Balboa Park like rusted watering cans, and I just think they look cool. In my head I see these things working together…being bold, bright and contemporary while also being rustic, and not very “floral,” therefore not in competition with the natural beauty of the gardens around us.
Here are a couple inspiration bouquets I came across (photos from The Full Boquet). These boquets make great use of orange dahlias, billy balls and lotus pods, though none encompass the three together.
My Craigslist florist told me she is genuinely excited to finally have an opportunity to put together a non-traditional bridal bouquet. I hope she still feels the same when my dead lotus pods and billy balls arrive.
I wish the weatherman was joking when he said we'd get snow on April 1st, but I woke up to the sound of sleet tapping against the window and I was not amused. I pulled my snowpants out of the storage bin that I banished them to in March while groaning and cursing. I can feel my mood souring with each cold day that passes and I don't think I'm alone. I think we will all be elated when the first string of warm sunny days arrives. If indeed it ever does...
A few weeks ago I mentioned I would review a product from CSNStores.com. I chose to order something functional since we really don't have the space for non-functional items. Out with the old and in with the new--I traded in some of our old warped and scratched cookware for this handy 10-piece porcelain enamel cookware set by Rachel Ray, and I got a sweet deal on it too!
The normally $250 set was already on sale at 48% off, I had a $40 promotional credit, and there is a $40 mail-in-rebate going on until March 31st. Did I mention free shipping? This brought the cost for the whole set to $50. I love a good deal!
Pros for the cookware set would be its contemporary design with bright colors (we went with the orange to match our kitchen curtains and utensils), and the non-slip, comfortable handles. Every piece is sturdy and yet not overly heavy. They all have non-stick surfaces, though I don't think it's completely necessary in a large pot and assume it will wear down over time as most non-sticks do. I made the mistake of telling Tommie to read the "care instructions" which warn you not to cook above low-medium temperature in order to preserve the integrity of the pans. Dinner will definitely take longer to cook if he keeps following the rules. I also wish the large pot was just a little larger.
All in all, I find it to be a good quality, useful cookware set at a very reasonable price.
We are at, what I hope to be, the tail end of 5+ months of cold. I am losing my patience (what little I had anyway). We are talking about almost half of an entire year of crappy weather, and it's not like we don't have days of rain throughout the rest of the year. So, here we are: March 22nd and when I look at the 7-day forecast for Boston I see no sign of warmth. 
Some people think a high of 40 degrees is warm. They have frozen brain cells. I see low's all in the 20's and anticipated snow showers. We had snow yesterday too; fat, freezing flakes of unwanted, unwelcome, completely unnecessary snow. March is supposed to come in like a lion and go out like a lamb. Well, it's not lambing anytime soon. I want to turn my heater off . I want to take a walk in a light jacket. I want to put the ice scraper in storage. There are some people who don't mind dealing with winter...and then there's me. The northeast is a great place to live when you like to complain. It's also a very bad place to live when you like to complain.
I always thought when the time came, I would enjoy shopping for a wedding dress: I'm a Libra--I love vanity, but I guess my problem is that I don't love wedding dresses. I don't like bleach white ballgowns and trains that feel like I'm dragging the weight of a dead person behind me. That eliminates 90% of the dresses out there. I'm also thrifty (okay, cheap) and can't justify spending over $500 on a one-day dress. That eliminates the remaining 10%. As for trying them on, I'm a self-sufficient gal; I don't like saleswomen pushing their way into the dressing room to help me every two seconds. I'm not having luck finding the right thing at department stores either.
So, with the clock ticking, I've come up with a plan that makes me nervous. There is a pretty, affordable dress I tried on in California. It has one shoulder with flowers and it wraps nicely. My hesitancy with this dress is that it's all white or all ivory. I was trying really hard to spice things up with some variation of typical bridal colors.
Then I came across this two-toned dress at a bridal store.
A loud woman there with her niece told me she never would have thought to have two different colors on a dress but that it really stuck out to her and she was shocked she liked it. Even though I didn't care for her loud backwards compliments, I liked that she felt it was "different." I liked that it was different, and I could see making some small adjustments to make it even more unique. The only problem was the price of $900 not including alterations.
After researching alternatives, I decided to order, should I say, a dress based on this dress online...factory direct from Taiwan. The whole thing makes me uneasy and it's not very ethical of me, but for less than a third of the price, my cheap instincts won over. It's a gamble if it comes out okay (or even comes at all!) but it's a relatively cheap gamble so I had to try. As one bride commented, "People will knock you getting a dress from overseas, but where do they think their designer dress is really coming from?"
It should take about six weeks to make and ship and at that time I can determine if it was a giant mistake and hope I have enough time to order the other dress, or just plan to walk down the isle in a potato sack.
People want to know why and I don't have one definitive answer but I can think of two videos I saw as a child that helped shaped my decisions. The first, The Miracle of Life confirmed that childbirth was actually more disgusting than I could have imagined. On the most basic level, childbirth makes me sick. More power to all the women who are brave enough to go through it but it's not for me. Maybe I was supposed to be a dude, maybe I was supposed to be an inanimate object like a rock, but instead I was born a woman with the brain of a man or a rock and the thought of another living being growing inside one's stomach and coming out their crotch sounds like the worst thing that could ever happen to a person. 
When I think about having my own child, I want to curl up and die, but when I think about adoption I get excited...the way I imagine most women get excited about the thought of having their own. I have no doubt in my mind I would love an adopted child all the same (possibly even more because they didn't tear out of my who-who). I know it sounds strange to most women because it goes against that instinct to carry a baby, but I wish some people would stop to think that maybe some women don't feel the same way they do. Just because I have a uterus doesn't mean I have to use it or that I want to use it. This blog post is for other women who feel like this, of which I realize there are few, and for the people who struggle to understand them. It's not that difficult in my view...ultimately we all want the same thing, we just go through different means to get there and I'm okay with that.
