30/30: The Elves

October 3rd 

We took Maya for a walk in Forest Hills tonight.  This is a historic neighborhood with really pretty houses and nice open fields.

Ironically, earlier in the day, I came across this article from USA Today about The Tiny Door Project.  Inspired by those "evil" little elves from Keebler, itty-bitty doors are popping up on trees across the country. They list one in Elmira Park in Durham, but it's not a park we frequent.  With elves on the brain, I was excited when I spotted this tiny door tucked into a tree in Forest Hills.  

Of course, I would have been more excited if it was filled with cookies, 

30/30: When AARP Finds You (20 years early)

October 2nd

Tommie worked from home today so we were able to go to the gym together in the morning and we checked out a YMCA we hadn't yet been to (downtown Durham location).  

I made us smoothies afterwards and we got to enjoy an early dinner--a hearty meal of American Chop Suey.  

Perhaps the best thing that happened today was that Tommie received a registration card from the AARP.  I remember how mad my mom was when she turned 50 and got her first solicitation from AARP.  She had just moved across the country to California and she said, "How did they find me!?"  This feels worse--they found us 20 years early.  There's nothing to make you feel like you're aging too fast than a letter saying, "We're here to help you make the most of life over 50!"

30 Days of Turning 30 Kick Off

October is my birthday month and this month I'm turning 30.  It's impossible, but apparently true.

My late twenties were not easy on me, so in a way, that's the silver lining--I'm not dreading the milestone of entering a new era.  Still, I feel like I should be doing something to commemorate the moment.

I wish I came up with the idea sooner, but last night (September 30th) at 11 p.m.  I decided my husband and I (he is turing 30 this month too) should challenge ourselves to "30 Days of Turning 30."  I don't know exactly what this means, but it currently means thinking of something fun and creative to do each day of our birthday month.  Some days it can be as simple as taking a good walk or cooking a good meal, other days it should be more elaborate.  If my sister were here, she'd call it her "30-Day Shit Show."  We're a little more sophisticated (and lame) than that.

October 1st

Seafood sales at Harris Teeter prompted us to cook a fish dinner with a "side" of baked lobster tails.  Fish is a rarity of us nowadays because it's hard to get wild caught, fresh(ish), affordable fish in the middle of the state.  

Lobster is always a good way to kick off a birthday month.

This is for the Ladies...with Hernias

I feel like it's important for me to share my journey to diagnosis, treatment, and recovery from an inguinal hernia.  Why talk about something that's a common medical problem and really not that interesting?  Because it's not a common medical problem for women, therefore, many women who suffer from hernias go a long time without being understood, diagnosed, and ultimately fixed.  This post is for the ladies who, like me, end up turning to Google for answers because the medical world isn't providing them.

This time last year, a sharp, but not an incapacitating, pain began to originate from my lower right abdomen.  My husband and I had just moved, and I packed up a whole house and did hours of yard work every day.  I thought maybe I pulled a muscle so I waited a couple months to see if it got better but instead the pain became more consistent and slowly worse.  Despite me describing all of this to several doctors, the consideration of a hernia never came up (even though I asked about it).  Nothing was protruding from my abdomen or groin--"We would see it," they all told me while I lay on the examining table.  I was ordered a CT scan to check for kidney stones but the report came back with no specific findings.  A gastrointestinal specialist told me I couldn't have a hernia because it would have appeared on the CT scan.  They were all wrong.

What ensued for nearly a whole year was an emotionally and physically draining process of seeing three different physicians, two gynecologists, a gastrointestinal specialist, an endocrinologist, having a CT scan, three ultrasounds, numerous lab work, and a procedure performed with still no answers.  The last doctor I saw ultimately thought I was imagining the pain and recommended anxiety pills and trigger point injections even though they didn't know what they would be "shooting" at.  I'm so glad I didn't follow her advice.

Finally, when I had given up hope, an OB/GYN referred me to a pelvic pain clinic with the thought that I could have endometriosis.  The clinic, which specializes in obstetrics and gynecology, spent 45 minutes asking me in-depth questions, performed an extensive pelvic examination, then the doctor had me stand up to feel each side of my abdomen with both hands.  In the end, the hernia was diagnosed because he was able to feel the fullness I described on my right side and noticed an asymmetry between my left and right side.  No actual tests were needed.

Hernias are obviously much more common in men and easy to diagnose, but they should never be ruled out as a possibility for women—even if it cannot be seen or does not appear on a scan.  The best way is to feel for it by performing a basic exam with the patient standing up, not lying down.

Perhaps the most upsetting part to me is that I came across this article from the NY Times in September 2012 and it prompted me to ask each doctor with whom I met about the possibility that I was suffering from a hernia.  It seems I'm not the only one to go through such a frustrating ordeal.

I guess my advice for anyone suffering from an unexplained pain is to be vigilant and strong.  I'm a strong person, but doctors are my kryptonite.  I am not going to lie...having to see a new doctor every week and never getting taken seriously made me depressed.  It was so hard to stay strong and advocate for myself when I was knocked down over and over again, but it's true that you have to be your best advocate.  Doctors are just people--flawed, imperfect, and not always helpful, or caring for that matter.  You have to take care of yourself and keep searching.  Eventually, someone will come into your life to help put the nightmare behind you.  

When I actually got diagnosed it only took a couple months to have the whole thing straightened out.  I was referred to a gastrointestinal surgeon who performed outpatient laparoscopic surgery with mesh to repair my right side (a full blown hernia), as well as to patch up a node of fat poking out on my left side which could lead to a hernia down the road.  

The surgery was not as bad as I thought it would be (at least not laparoscopic).  It felt like someone made me do 3,000 sit ups for the first few days, but within two weeks I was just about back to full mobility.  The greatest change, however, is in my mood.  The uncertainty and pain from before was like a dark cloud hovering over me. 

I'm a writer so you better believe I shared my thoughts and discoveries with every single doctor with whom I had met--not to rub it in their face (okay, maybe a little), but more importantly, to spread the word about the medical mistake of overlooking hernias in women.  After what I went through, I really don't want this to keep happening.  If you are a woman out there going through this, good luck and stay strong.

Radio Silence...And A New Blog

This past year kicked my ass.  Actually, it's been a gradual build-up of a few hard years cumulating to this final boot in the butt.

While writing helps me sort through emotions and hardships, it didn't seem productive/fair to subject the cyber world to my woes, so I didn't write much at all.

This year was emotionally and physically destructive and I blame it on one thing.  Doctors.   They are my Kryptonite and they wore me down.  After a year of appointments with 10 different doctors, going through dozens of tests and lab work to try to figure out a chronic pain in my lower right abdomen, a pelvic pain specialist finally figured out it's a hernia.

The worst part is that when the pain first started I read an article in the NY Times about how difficult hernias are to diagnose in women so I asked every doctor about it but they all told me I was wrong and thought I was crazy.  I can't even begin to tell you how frustrating and taxing this experience was for me.

Here is a link to the article about diagnosing hernias in women.  All doctors should read this.

I am partly relieved to finally know what the problem is but terrified, of course, to face surgery and recovery.

With that said, I'm focusing my attention elsewhere.  In the midst of all this madness, my husband and I bought our first home.  It needs major updates so I have no shortage of projects lined up and things to distract me from the rest of my problems at hand.

To chronicle the progress of the house for our families, friends, and anyone else to follow along, I started a new blog.  It's called The Amberican Dream.  

Hope to see you there!

Adult-In-Transition

We have different stages to pass through in life--there is childhood to adolescence, adolescence to young adult, and young adult to adult...you get the idea.  Each stage comes with increasingly difficult challenges we must get through before successfully moving on to the next phase.  I've always been hyper-sensitive to these transitional moments.  They are full of change and uncertainly and they put my worry-meter on high alert.

As an adult-in-transition, I find myself worrying about things I never had to worry about before--big things. I worry about my health, I worry about my parent's health, I worry about long-term financial stability, about settling in the right place, buying the right house, and starting my own version of a family.  

I joke that I feel like I'm going through a second puberty--only "adult puberty" feels worse.  My body isn't changing, it's decaying.  My emotions aren't melodramatic, they are dramatic.  At this rate, I'll need a lobotomy when I hit menopause.

Through each transition we gather wisdom, we gather strength, and we gain a few new scars.  I have felt myself getting knocked down over and over again as I try to figure out a comfortable landing spot (both mentally and physically) for my adult life.  Some days I can  feel myself gathering strength, while other days I feel like I'm falling backwards.

I need to remember that we don't get to choose when or how the transition stops.  One day, life just gets a little easier, but really, it's us--we've adjusted to the hardships and it feels like life is easier.  I just have to hope that I come out on the other side of all this a wiser and stronger soul.  I'm working on it.