30/30: A Poetic Evening

October 13th 

After some light house projects and a couple rounds of bowling for Tommie with his guy friends, we spent the evening at a free poetry reading by Richard Blanco (Obama's inaugural poet) at The Carolina Theatre.  

I always enjoy poetry readings because you get to learn about the backstory of the poet and it givers greater depth to their poems.  Blanco's poems (and stories) were very entertaining and funny, and explored concepts of culture, identity, and family, which are universal themes, therefore, easy to relate to.  It's great to see a poet like him gaining traction and interest.

After the reading, I had my book signed and told him that he ironically lives in the same small town in Maine as my parents (I did tell him, Dad, that you two have yet to meet.  He said that eventually it seems everyone there does end up meeting, so don't worry there's still time.)

30/30: When AARP Finds You (20 years early)

October 2nd

Tommie worked from home today so we were able to go to the gym together in the morning and we checked out a YMCA we hadn't yet been to (downtown Durham location).  

I made us smoothies afterwards and we got to enjoy an early dinner--a hearty meal of American Chop Suey.  

Perhaps the best thing that happened today was that Tommie received a registration card from the AARP.  I remember how mad my mom was when she turned 50 and got her first solicitation from AARP.  She had just moved across the country to California and she said, "How did they find me!?"  This feels worse--they found us 20 years early.  There's nothing to make you feel like you're aging too fast than a letter saying, "We're here to help you make the most of life over 50!"

Adult-In-Transition

We have different stages to pass through in life--there is childhood to adolescence, adolescence to young adult, and young adult to adult...you get the idea.  Each stage comes with increasingly difficult challenges we must get through before successfully moving on to the next phase.  I've always been hyper-sensitive to these transitional moments.  They are full of change and uncertainly and they put my worry-meter on high alert.

As an adult-in-transition, I find myself worrying about things I never had to worry about before--big things. I worry about my health, I worry about my parent's health, I worry about long-term financial stability, about settling in the right place, buying the right house, and starting my own version of a family.  

I joke that I feel like I'm going through a second puberty--only "adult puberty" feels worse.  My body isn't changing, it's decaying.  My emotions aren't melodramatic, they are dramatic.  At this rate, I'll need a lobotomy when I hit menopause.

Through each transition we gather wisdom, we gather strength, and we gain a few new scars.  I have felt myself getting knocked down over and over again as I try to figure out a comfortable landing spot (both mentally and physically) for my adult life.  Some days I can  feel myself gathering strength, while other days I feel like I'm falling backwards.

I need to remember that we don't get to choose when or how the transition stops.  One day, life just gets a little easier, but really, it's us--we've adjusted to the hardships and it feels like life is easier.  I just have to hope that I come out on the other side of all this a wiser and stronger soul.  I'm working on it.

The Mole

I had a tiny mole on my back removed today.  In my usual style, I sweat through my robe while waiting for the small procedure to start, and I rambled like a lunatic in an attempt to calm myself down:  "I feel like I'm about to get a tattoo.  If I was getting a tattoo, what would I get?  Hey Dr. Lee, I have an idea!  You should punch moles out in cool shapes like those craft paper punchers in the shapes of stars and hearts.  Then people would have cool-shaped scars."  She laughed quietly, "Um, that's not exactly how it works."  Doctors--always gotta wreck a girl's dreams.

I had Tommie with me for emotional support...or so I thought.  He was supposed to hold my hand and tell me how brave I was, but halfway through the procedure he leaned against the wall and I noticed that his pale complexion had become even more pale.  So, as I lay there with a hole carved in my back, the doctor and I start comforting Tommie--telling him everything is okay, I'm doing great, and that he can go sit down, have some water, and turn on the air.  He blames the balmy 75 degree temperature in the room.  (Sure.)  He kept trying to get back up and stand by me, but he was getting whiter by the minute and I didn't want him to faint on top of all the sharp objects lying around so I told him to sit back down. 

I survived the process, and Tommie, while not exactly doing his job the way I had planned did manage to distract me from my own discomfort by having me worry about his.  

Again, I am reminded of our very wise decision to never endure childbirth.  We can barely make it through a mole...I mean, we're wicked brave...it's just that it was a swealtering 75 degrees in the room.

Welcome 2013: A Four Year Review

It took me far too long this morning to figure out that I have been blogging for four years.  (I'm really bad at math.)  Here are some stats about my four year tenure blogging that Google helped me figure out.

Since I began this blog just before the start of 2009, I have moved from California to Massachusetts to North Carolina.  We have lived in four different apartments.  That's almost one state and one apartment per year.  Maybe it's time to settle down.

I blog an an average of 40-50 posts per year, which is half the amount of posts I completed in my first year.  I guess the "newness" blogging rubbed off a bit after that first year.

How to make Soup Can Luminaries is my #1 viewed post of all time, with almost 700 views.  Pinterest surely has something to do with that.

I have 246 comments total--most of which are from my family, though a few brave cyber readers share their thoughts here and there.  Thanks brave cyber readers...I appreciate knowing it's not only my family reading.

Obviously, most of my page views come from the U.S., but the second largest number of views come from Russia.  Who would have thought?  Then it's Canada, The United Kingdom, and India.

Today, I begin my fifth year of blogging and wish everyone around the world a great start to 2013!

Christmas in Charleston

It's hard to go home for the holidays when you move away from home.  Our families live in different states in the Northeast which means planning a long, costly trip; trying to avoid snowstorms; stressing about finding a potential dog sitter during a busy time; and chaotically traveling between celebrations trying to please everyone, and in turn, pleasing none.  So, with a half-guilty conscience, we found a dog-friendly vacation rental and drove five hours in the opposite direction to Charleston, South Carolina.

The truth is, we needed it.  We haven't had a good vacation since our honeymoon over a year ago, and I have barely seen my husband since he started his new job.  Tommie needed some time away from his computer to unwind.  

The place we rented for four days was located on Folly Beach (about 20 minutes from downtown Charleston).  Being able to get up each morning and walk Maya along the ocean in mild December weather was perfect.  We miss the coastline most living in Durham.  We liked going during the off-season because the beach community was quiet.  Restaurants were still open, but there wasn't any traffic.

Charleston was a charming place to spend the holiday.  I do feel bad knowing I wasn't with my family, but I'll just have to work on convincing them the south is better in the winter months.  After a couple big snow storms, I don't think that will be too hard.  

My Mom would have liked peeping over people's walls and into their windows with me.  The houses and yards in that city were the most adorable and stunning places I have ever seen.  (More Charleston creeper photos to come.)

Meeting a Foster Family

As a woman of childbearing age who does not want to bear her own children, I often find myself doing a tricky dance around the subject. Explaining to people that fostering and/or adopting is my first choice for creating a family is like telling people I'd rather walk across the country than take a plane or a car. It's a much harder route. Why would I do that?

Last week, I went to the doctor and listened to the "make sure you take those folic acid pills for the future baby" lecture I have heard a million times before. In the past, I would launch into a counter speech, but at some point I realized that my doctors didn't believe me; didn't understand me, and they definitely didn't care to listen to my anti-childbirth diatribe. This time, I just nodded my head, while thinking about how ironic it was that later that night Tommie and I were headed over to a couple's house to learn about the foster care system.

This couple, still in their 30's, has four children of their own and has fostered five children over the past few years. It was a welcome change to be able to discuss our plans openly with people and get their firsthand account. Even though the process is as emotional as one would expect, and the system is as frustrating as most systems are, talking to this couple made me more excited about the idea. 

People ask why put in the effort when the kids assigned to you are likely to leave after a such short time? 

After discussing one of their most difficult good-byes with a pair of siblings they thought they were going to get to adopt, the husband we were talking to looked at his wife and said, "Don't you feel like the kids were in a much better position after being with us than when they arrived?" And she answered, "They were." And if that's all I do, it's worth it.

The woman left me with a list of books to check out. I'll share them here for anyone who might be interested.

* "One Small Boat" and "Another Place at the Table," by Kathy Harrison
* "Three Little Words," by Ashely Rhodes-Courter
* "Damaged" and "Happy Kids," by Cathy Glass

Guest Room

We had our first long-term house guests for Thanksgiving.  Tommie's parents drove down from Boston and arrived in Durham in time for dinner.  (They drive like typical commuters, while my parents don't believe in using the passing lane and would have taken double the time.)

The guest room has been a work in progress since we moved, but it's finally sanctioned as a decent place to stay.

It has our old wicker double bed that we draped with a new large blue quilt we got for sale at the outlets for $50.  Updated thrift store lamps provide lighting, and a sage green refurbished dresser from Craigslist gives some drawer and surface space.  I'm sticking to natural tones like tan, blue, green, and white in here.

I also put one of our bookshelves in the room because I like the idea of people being able to thumb through books before bed or if they get bored.  I used to like snooping through other people's libraries.

Having a house with an extra room is nice so that we can host visitors.  It's also scary having a house with an extra room so that we can host visitors.  I love my family and encourage friends to visit...in small increments  :)

Our *New* Anniversary

Last year, July 30th was a hot, sunny day in New England and I couldn't believe that I had planned an outdoor wedding that would not be rained out...it was a miracle.

So much has transpired over the past year--I started a new job, we traveled, I had surgery on my foot, my mom had surgery on her lung, Tommie started a new job, and we moved from Massachusetts to North Carolina. It makes the wedding seem like it was much more than a year ago...which is why I wish we could do it again!

But really, even if I tried to do it all over, I couldn't guarantee the sky that day would be so blue, or that everyone I loved could be there, or that the dress I ordered on a whim would be just right, or that Maya and all the kids would be so well-behaved during the ceremony, or that my Dad would make everyone laugh so much with his speech, or that my day-of wedding planner would be so supportive, and everyone who helped us in some form would be amazing, or that I would look back and appreciate it so much that I'd even want to do it all over again. This day last year was perfect.

Backyard Bugs

For the first time in our lives Tommie and I have our own backyard. It's not really "ours" since we're renting, but it's the first time we can pretend.

(Before and After)

Before the southern heat spell started, we spent some time sprucing up little bits of our very piney plot of land in Durham. Even just a little raking and sweeping makes such a difference. Of course, I have bigger plans up my sleeve involving lights and lanterns for the future.

The super-sized bugs around here don't care much for our backyard cleanup. Tommie refused to touch the leaf piles after he saw a couple baby snakes and I pointed out the giant millipedes. We have quite the ecosystem around us...with fireflies, mice, snakes, millipedes, caterpillars, roaches, jumping spiders, and lizards roaming around.

As a kid I loved bugs and I still get oddly excited when I find critters...my parents are lucky they raised me in the Northeast where bugs are "normal" size. I do have a feeling my tolerance for creepy crawlies will come in handy living in a place like this.

Covering Ground

A lot happened over the course of a couple days...

Tommie flew back to Boston from NC. My Dad helped us pack up the Penske. Naturally it was 95 degrees out because it always is when we move. Some friends and family came over for a final farewell that night.

The next morning we left at 7:30 a.m. and arrived at my great aunt's house in Smithsburg, Maryland around 6:00 p.m.

Maya, a country dog at heart, loved running around the open fields at Helen's tucked away home. I loved watching hundreds of fireflies sparkle in the grass as the sun went down.

We left the next morning around 9:00 a.m. and made it to Durham, North Carolina around 5:30 p.m. The boys unpacked the truck, I had a meltdown, then we ate Thai food.

The next couple days were spent showing my parents around some...we swam, we ate, and we put together furniture. All in all, it was a successful relocation. Every move we make is as challenging as it is rewarding. The unpacking continues, but I do see light at the end of the tunnel. More pics to come.

The Hollow Woman

My sister and I joke about wanting to be hollow...and I don't mean shallow, though we can sometimes be that too...I mean hollow bodies--no bones, no blood, no organs. Like one of those chocolate Easter bunnies'. I wish I was born hollow (and somehow still alive) because as I'm terrified of being "hollowed out" involuntarily.

My Mom hasn't had the best of luck keeping what's inside her. Heck, even my sister and I had to be cut out (C-sections); she told the Docs to grab her appendix while they were in there. Last year, they had to take even more from her...one of her kidneys that had a cancerous mass on it, and just last week they took a lobe of one of her lungs where another mass had formed. I am beyond thankful she is recovering well as I write this. My Mom is so much more than a bunch of cells and organs that are in her and taken out. I hope she always keeps her inner strength, humor, love, and of course, the rest of her insides. (She blogs about her experience here.) 

Vision Board

I'm happy to report my husband's blood pressure no longer sky rockets when he checks out Pinterest. He has a few boards going, and we even created a shared "vision board" where we can post our mutual ideas for the future. I know it sounds pretty "new age," but I do think it helps put positive thoughts into the universe.

I want to have my own home someday, but instead of festering on the negative aspects of what I currently have--a rental that's been surrounded by construction projects since last October--I need to focus on the positive reasons to try to get out of it. Even before the money or the means to do so, we need a clear vision. Sometimes that's enough to steer the course of life in a certain direction. 

Pinterest: Bravely Go Where Few Men Have Gone Before

My husband prides himself on being somewhat of a social media guru, and he is pretty savvy when it comes to figuring out how to navigate new technology, but he joined Pinterest today and the pressure to pin has left him pretty distraught.

He is very concerned about the "finality" of his boards and pins--so much so, after two hours he had only two pins and he tried to strangle himself with his wrist rest. 

He is also trying to understand the patterns to everyone's boards and the number of boards they follow. Numbers? Patterns? This is Pinterest, Tommie, not Excel.


Based on other blogs and discussions, it seems it's more difficult for men to wrap their heads around Pinterest because it appeals more to a woman's mind which is constantly going from one thought to the next in rapid succession, and to our affinity for pretty things. Pinterest helps organize the jumble of ideas we have, the inspiration we come across, and captures our dreams. I think, if it's pretty, pin it, while Tommie abides by the motto, ponder before pinning.

Other men have mastered the art of Pinterest, but for Tommie, it will take some time. He just isn't comfortable being swept away by pretty pictures--he's got to approach it with a solid plan in place. Here he is manually writing out his board ideas on a whiteboard. Who knew pinning could be so serious?

My Mom's Birthday

(That's right, my Mom's birthday is the day after my Dad's.)


I get all of my old-person sayings from my Mom; things like "That smarts!" and "Who's that tall drink of water?" Like me, my Mom isn't exactly up with the times, but one technological phenomenon she has embraced wholeheartedly is Pinterest.

So, in honor of her birthday I'm pinning a piece of personalized art she drew in art class and gave me at Christmas. She said the little figurine reminded her of me. I suppose a little Amish girl reading a book in a corner is pretty accurate of how I was as a child. I don't think I sat on a crate, but who knows...we didn't have money.

A few weeks ago, I spray painted an 8x10 cheap wooden frame bright yellow, choose a matte with a black inlay because it seemed to compliment the sketch, and put my Mom's drawing in the bedroom on a wall I'm using as my experimental "Pinterest-inspired" collage wall.


I love the way little Amish Amber pops in the bright frame. Happy Birthday, Mom. You've been pinned.  

Source: lettersfromalibra.blogspot.com via Amber on Pinterest