I cannot believe that I have been back in Massachusetts for a month. Somehow during the time I was readjusting to my surroundings, reconnecting with old friends, and hunting for jobs, the entire month of May flew by. I realize I haven't written much about being home and truthfully it is because I am still accepting the idea of being (and staying) home. But if you're wondering if I'm happy here, I am.
Sometimes when I walk around the same shoreline I walked around as a kid, I can't help thinking to myself, "This is exactly where I am supposed to be." It's hard not to feel like you belong in a place like this. The Atlantic Ocean has been as calm as a lake lately; the beach at night has no one else on it. I remember when my friends and I would take midnight strolls around the neighborhood during sleep-overs and we'd never encounter another soul (which was probably a good thing since we usually went out dressed up in ball-gowns...don't ask). I think about how lucky we were to grow up in a place that felt like the whole coastline belonged to us...and that we, in turn, belonged to it.
I've been spending a lot of time with my old friends since my return. When I am with them I feel like the three years I spent in California were like years I spent in a dream. It's like I lived an alternate ending to a novel that no one else read or like I was frozen in space for three years only to return back to where I left off. It's not to say that I didn't grow or learn from my time in San Diego; I just think that whole experience is probably meant to be some kind of "secret" shared with a small group of people including my family, Tommie, and those who flitted in and out of my life out there.
I will always look back on my time in CA fondly but I knew that place wasn't "me" no matter how badly I wanted it to be at times (mainly how badly I wanted the surfers to be for me). When my family first told me the news about moving to California I remember feeling a little shocked but also happy. In my gut I felt okay with the news so I knew that was where we were supposed to go. So, no matter what happened to us there and whether we all leave San Diego (my parents and sister are still there), that was the right move to make at the time. The decision to move back home also felt right so I know things will work out. I am home and I am where I'm supposed to be right now.