Tuesday, April 14, 2009

No Longer Numb

I'm not even home yet and I can already feel myself filling up with all kinds of emotions that I haven't experienced since living in California for 3 years. Living out here was "easy." I escaped here right out of college. Tommie moved out here six months later. For the most part, we have lived harmoniously with little distractions from the outside world. Sure, there were times I worried about my parents and sister or they drove me batty, and I had stressful moments at work but otherwise we have been isolated out here. (Not to mention the perpetual nice weather makes it difficult to be upset for longer than five minutes tops.)

But now, on top of worrying about the open-ended questions like what will I find for work (will I even find any at all?) I have lots of people back in my life; I have extended family, friends, neighbors...people who know my life story and who bring out different sides of me. It's no longer only about the future because no one knows my past...back home they know my past; they are my past. I'm finding myself having trouble understanding my own feelings at the moment because I haven't had to think about feelings for a while. In a way, I feel as though I have been pleasantly numb for the past 3 years and now I'm suddenly and quickly getting feeling back in me (and not always good feeling) as if some part of me had been asleep this whole time. I know this is life...life is not easy. We are social beings who, like it or not, have other people and situations intersecting our lives. These people challenge us. These situations test us. This is reality...I just hope I'm ready to face it.

1 comment:

  1. You are very ready Amber. Tell the world "Bring it"